My Mattchin Report

On Saturday 29th August, I went for a pint with Mattchin Tendulkar. Many of you won’t understand the significance of that statement, especially my friends who don’t like cricket, so let me explain. 

In the depths of the internet, there exists a ‘loosely cricket-based podcast’ called Tailenders. I started listening to the podcast in around August last year, during the 2019 Ashes, after being recommended it by many many people. Started in 2017 by BBC radio DJ Greg James, guitarist of The Maccabees Felix White and England’s greatest ever bowler Jimmy Anderson, the podcast was intended to cover the 2017 Ashes series. However, for many reasons, the podcast quickly gathered a huge fanbase and has continued to this day. One of these reasons, I strongly believe, was the introduction of cult hero Mattchin Tendulkar to the nation’s hearts. 

 

In one of the first few episodes of Tailenders, the hosts asked listeners to ring in if they had any fun cricketer-related stories or connections. The following week, Matt from Bristol rings in saying that he is a relation of the highest international run scorer of all time, Indian batsman Sachin Tendulkar. There was some doubt amongst the hosts as to the validity of his claim – it has since been 100% confirmed by Sachin himself – but he went down a hit with fans, so became a recurring guest. You can listen to his introduction here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p05pljtm (start listening at 30 mins 46 seconds). Matt (now affectionately known as Mattchin Tendulkar, Mooch, Moochin, Vladimir Poochin, to name a few) didn’t know much about cricket at all when he initially rang in, but over the years the podcast has taken him on a remarkable journey introducing him to the game. As listeners, we’ve been able to hear him learning and understanding the joy of cricket, watching games and coming to terms with his ‘fame’.

 

The podcast has since gained a huge following in the cricketing community. It has hosted live shows, won awards, and its inside jokes have seeped into conversations everywhere (especially the comments section on Michael Vaughan’s Instagram). Last year they said they wanted to produce a Christmas number one. It was too late for that, though, so they released it in April 2020 instead. This past weekend, to celebrate National Record Store Day, the single was released on vinyl in independent record stores over the country, in order to raise money for the Go Well Fund – a charity started by the hosts to help support vulnerable people. One of these stores was going to be Mattchin’s local, Longwell Records, on Keynsham high street. Coincidentally, this is my local too. 

 

Keynsham, Keynsham, Keynsham. A largely unremarkable town, often known as the birthplace of Marcus Trescothick (although Trescothick once told me via FaceTime that his real home was Oldland Common, but this is a story for another time). I went to secondary school in Keynsham, my first job was on Keynsham high street, the first time I was ever blackout drunk was at a house in Keynsham. Imagine my unbridled joy when I discovered that Mattchin Tendulkar was also a Keynsham native. On last week’s episode of the podcast, Mattchin said that he would be at Longwell Records at 4PM-ish for a signing. In my heart of hearts, I knew that it was most likely a joke, but Dad and I had to go to the high street anyway, and Dad loves record shops regardless so we decided to give it a go. 

 

We turned up just after 4. There was no sign of Mattchin, nor any other Tailenders; definitely not the ‘at least 20 people’ that Greg had believed would turn up on the podcast. Just me and Dad. I asked the guys behind the till if Matt had been in, they said he hadn’t. I bought the record, and allowed Dad to browse the shop’s extensive record collection. It wasn’t the end of the world, and had been a long shot anyway, but I did feel like a bit of a Mattchin TendStalker - terrible effort with that one, I know. After about 10 minutes of browsing, we were just about to leave when the guy behind the desk said “Hang on, he’s just texted me. He said ‘I'm on my way, go and grab a coffee at Bonzo, I’ll be there in 20 minutes’”. 20 minutes later, we rocked up again, and so did Mattchin Tendulkar in his flip-flops.

 

The absolute best way I can describe my emotions meeting him is that it felt like Dobby the House Elf (me) was meeting Harry Potter (Mattchin) for the first time. He was (as expected) the nicest man. We chatted and he signed my record – he wasn’t really sure what to write as, to my knowledge, this was his first record signing. He respectfully resisted the urge to draw graffiti on his co-hosts’ faces. After about 5 minutes of the Longwell Records guys roasting their regular customer about his newfound fame, Mattchin asked me and Dad if we wanted to go for a drink. I had a friend’s birthday to get to, so said no. Then I thought, ‘Hang on Abi, what the f*** are you saying?’ and said yes. We walked over to Keynsham’s Bonzo Lounge and had a pint (Dad had coffee because he was driving). We had a lovely chat about the podcast, cricket and life in general. I told Mattchin about how I got into cricket and about how the podcast has supplemented my love of the game. I really hope I wasn’t weird – I was very starstruck. Then we said goodbye and I went and got very drunk. 

 

And that’s the story of what I did this weekend, and how I found myself drinking next to Keynsham's biggest celebrity. The next morning, hungover, I glanced at my signed copy of the record, now in pride of place on my bookshelf, and smiled knowing that it wasn’t all a cider dream. 

 

Thanks for reading. As a few great men once said… go well.

#TailendersOfTheWorldUniteAndTakeOver